where are you when i need you most? crap. im feeling so fucking emotional. i dont really understand why my mum treats my grandma like that. even if she did all the stuff she did back then, isnt she still her mother? i dont get it. she almost MAKES her wash the dishes. urgh. & she says stuff behind her back. i seriously dont get it.
i now understand what my uncle meant by how she speaks. she completely doesnt think. okay, people, i know im very contradictory. saying that my mum speaks behind my grandma's back when i am right now. but, im just trying to figure things out on my own. my mum is NOT my friend. shes my mum. & i respect her as that. she can joke with me bt i cant? what logic is that. worst thing is, she tries to be like a backstabbing friend which i completely do not appreciate. what the hell is the world coming to?
there are so many questions unanswered in my mind. even as they are refreshed over & over.
every question is stuck. why must you treat me like this?
the message i sent you last night were my words for you to answer for me. for me to understand. to reflect what i have done wrongly. for me to not repeat them again. for me to repent. for me to apologise with a reason to. i need to know. as what mrlee said. you havent told anyone about your feelings that you need to express? if im nt the one you want to tell, then, tell others. i dont knw wads wrong with me, bt whatever that im typing now is for you to know that i care about you as a friend. you might think i sound pretty stupid bcos i havent said all this before.
actually, im having serious refection. i dont knw what is my point on this earth. what is my cause for being here. why was i made like this. after some lessons in mother tongue. i realised i dont know which path to take. which way to go. how to go by it. bcos im just another being that consists of organs & blood just like any other mammal.
its been a long time since i ever just sat down, & thought about this. things have been moving so fast. just a flash. & its been 2 years. ive lost a grandfather i took for granted & gained a sister that takes away so much energy from my grandmother.
i really miss my grandfather. i can actually still picture him sitting in that chair. watchg tv. scoldg me. haha. i never was mature enough to understand everything. now that i learnt, i knw that i have more to go. i agree with the saying IGNORANCE IS BLISS. but yet, ignorance was a sin to begin with.
ah. noobie. please go home? i miss you. 
every question is stuck. why must you treat me like this? the message i sent you last night were my words for you to answer for me. for me to understand. to reflect what i have done wrongly. for me to not repeat them again. for me to repent. for me to apologise with a reason to. i need to know. as what mrlee said. you havent told anyone about your feelings that you need to express? if im nt the one you want to tell, then, tell others. i dont knw wads wrong with me, bt whatever that im typing now is for you to know that i care about you as a friend. you might think i sound pretty stupid bcos i havent said all this before.